An Unattractive Vampire

An Unattractive Vampire

Jim McDoniel / Oct 22, 2020

An Unattractive Vampire Jim McDoniel s first novel is quirky wild and weird and definitely for those who hate those sexy vampire stereotypes who like their monsters nice and gross Geeks of Doom Jim McDoniel s debut novel

  • Title: An Unattractive Vampire
  • Author: Jim McDoniel
  • ISBN: 9781941758649
  • Page: 302
  • Format: Paperback
  • Jim McDoniel s first novel is quirky, wild, and weird, and definitely for those who hate those sexy vampire stereotypes who like their monsters nice and gross Geeks of Doom Jim McDoniel s debut novel, An Unattractive Vampire, is a darkly comic urban fantasy of ancient horrors in suburban cities After three centuries trapped underground, thousand year old Yulric Bile Jim McDoniel s first novel is quirky, wild, and weird, and definitely for those who hate those sexy vampire stereotypes who like their monsters nice and gross Geeks of Doom Jim McDoniel s debut novel, An Unattractive Vampire, is a darkly comic urban fantasy of ancient horrors in suburban cities After three centuries trapped underground, thousand year old Yulric Bile, also known as The Cursed One, The Devil s Apprentice, He Who Worships the Slumbering Horrors, awakens only to find that no one believes he is a vampire Apparently he s just too ugly Modern vampires, he soon discovers, are pretty, weak, and, most disturbing of all, good Determined to reestablish his bloodstained reign, Yulric sets out to correct this disgusting turn of events or, at the very least, murder the person responsible With the help of part vampire wannabe Amanda Simon, the eight year old reincarnation of his greatest foe and a cadre of ancient and ugly horrors, Yulric prepares to battle the glamorous undead But who will win the right to determine, once and for all, what it truly means to be a vampire

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      Published :2020-07-18T04:09:14+00:00

    About "Jim McDoniel"

      • Jim McDoniel

        Jim McDoniel is a writer of weird, funny things A graduate of Conservatory programs at both Minneapolis s Brave New Workshop and Chicago s Second City, he has spent several years writing about mad science and molepeople for the award winning, sci fi audio drama Our Fair City His first novel, An Unattractive Vampire, will be published by Inkshares in March as part of the Sword and Laser collection.


    613 Comments

    1. I get sent pre-release copies of books quite often. Usually because authors or publishers are looking for promotional blurbs or a little help spreading the word about an upcoming publication. This was one of those books. I got an ARC ages ago, but I only recently pulled it off the shelf.Starting to read it, I was pleasantly surprised. Good start. Pulled me right in. Good language. Good, distinct tone. Playful but well-written.Then I looked at the letter that had been sent along with the book and [...]


    2. An Unattractive vampire? You may cry "Inconceivable" to that idea, my dear post-twilight audience. How can be a vampire be unattractive in this century? With their perfect cheekbones and irresistible sex-appeal, their swaying hips, half-open shirts, and such hot fangs!Unfortunately, Yulric Bile is not from this century. Neither does he the like the modern week-ass candy cane vampires. Let the games begin!An unattractive vampire is a fun novel which takes advantage of the popularity of vampires a [...]


    3. I will admit to being a fan of Twilight (well the first three, the fourth was a monstrosity). I am guilty of swooning over GQ worthy vampires full of never-ending wit and sarcasm, and for some reason always with a British accent? I love the sympathetic villain and can even side with an occasional mopey teen vampire. I am addicted to all things vampire and as such love even their parodies. An unattractive vampire, who's title itself makes me laugh, was a fun and hilarious diatribe of the “moder [...]


    4. This was a light and fun read. It was not quite as good as I was hoping it would be, but it was still entertaining and filled with plenty of hilarious moments.300 years ago evil vampire Yulric Bile was imprisoned. Now he has escaped and is eager to begin a new reign of fear and terror! Yulric is soon horrified to learn that society has changed and that modern vampires are now objects of romantic worship and heroic deeds. He vows to put an end to this atrocity and bring the terror back to the vam [...]


    5. Fun and flowing story, if a bit fragmented (minor plot holes). 3.5 stars rounded up because it's a debut novel and it was an entertaining read paved smooth with nice writing and interesting characters. The last three warnings were obviously the most recent: in Arabic, May Allah protect against that which is inside and damn any who open it; in English, For the preservation of the Empire, sealed 1910 under orders of his Majesty by his humble servant Sir Henry Calibrey. May God preserve us; and in [...]


    6. This book is HILARIOUSGo buy! Go! Why are you still reading this review? Go read the book!There have been a few books that have poked fun at how the concept of vampirism has changed over the years – especially how the most common portrayals tend to have vampires who are attractive and sexy above all else.Enter Yulric Bile, an old school vampire who has woken up after an unfortunate period of downtime (damn those puritans. In fact can we have an aside where I just hail the awesomeness that was [...]


    7. That was funny. Strong tongue-in-cheek type humor, making riotous fun of the paranormal romance craze. I like paranormal fiction, and I couldn't help laughing (with recognition!) at every hilarious caricaturized trope. Still only $2.51 for Kindle, and if you're in need of a laugh, I'd definitely recommend.**************This one has dropped from $6.99 to $2.51 for Kindle, and the premise and reviews are promising. I got mine here.


    8. In reality, it's probably a 3 star book. But, I think I'll bump it up to 4 stars for a few reasons:-- It's the antidote to Twilight. It's time the glittery glamour boy vamps went away. Bring on the old-school vampires!-- The pairing of an evil, 300-year-old+ vampire with a precocious, cheeky, slightly-evil eight-year-old boy was devilishly delightful.-- I like the vampire's excuse of not needing to wear a seatbelt: "I have no need for a life saving restraint." You know, since he's immortal anywa [...]


    9. I'm still trying to figure out this book. While the writing itself was funny, quirky, witty, and fast-paced with those wonderful asides (of the Pratchett-type, footnote variety) of which I'm particularly fond, the story was rather baffling. As in, what was the whole point of it again?Yulric Bile is a thousand-year-old vampire recently unearthed from his resting place by Amanda, a vampire-obsessed blonde, and her precocious eight-year-old brother, Simon (who also happens to be the reincarnation o [...]


    10. This one was smart, so much fun to read, and really funny (also meta maybe?) This is not your typical glittery vampire story. Yulric Bile is a 1000 years old vampire that wakes up in the 21st century. Acquiring his knowledge of the new world from TV, and the two siblings Amanda and Simon, he's looking for answers as to how the vampire reputation became so weak. He's in for trouble.




    11. For those who are wondering, I wouldn't call this a satire on Twilight, or a parody, or has anything to do with the concept of 'twinkly vampires'. This book and story is independent from all of that.Yulric Bile wakes in the 21st century to find everything has changed. Even the modern day vampire has changed- actual, real life vampires, not just the concepts of them- and Yulric ends up striking an odd friendship with Amanda, whose basement he was buried in.I really enjoyed this book. It's weird, [...]


    12. I received an advanced electronic reading copy in exchange for an honest review.3.5/5 StarsIf I'm being honest, I have an adoration much greater than I expected for this book. I was very excited when reading the book description poking fun at today's vampire stereotypes - young, attractive, good natured, and sparkly. An Unattractive Vampire is a humorous take on the battle between classic and modern vampires.Yulric Bile is woken from his three century long slumber to find a much more modern civi [...]


    13. I received an ARC from netgalley for an honest review.This book is amazing. It's everything you want in a vampire novel. Not sparkly pretty 'good' vampires but your classic vampires.To summarize this book you have an ugly vampire I would call a Nosferatu vampire. A woman who believed him to be a werewolf at first and her little brother is is a 9 year old intelligent psychopath. throw in in some comedy and whiny pretty vampires and you have the most perfect comedy vampire novel.The cast of charac [...]


    14. Closer to 5 stars just for pure enjoyment.An ancient vampire arises from reset to find himself in modern times where nobody believes he is a vampire. The ancient one is more of the Nosferatu type and is dismayed by TV vampires that are beautiful and likable.This book is a humorous response to Twilight vampires - but is much more than just a mocking response.What I liked the most is that while there is humorous intent it is not primarily a comic romp. It takes the premise seriously and reads like [...]


    15. (Review copy provided by the publisher through NetGalley.)I’m a big fan of vampire stories in general, partly because vampires are so versatile. I like the old-school, scary, Dracula types and the sexy, modern tortured hero types and a lot of the stuff in between. I don’t love all individual examples of these, of course, but I like a very broad range of vampires. The idea of one of the former waking up in modern day and discovering things have moved toward the latter is pretty funny. Unfortu [...]


    16. The rest of this long winded review is at [Night Mode Reading]: Yulric Bile is an ancient saxon vampire, a master of survival and deception, a true evil mastermind of the kind that was neither pretty, nor good. The type that does not get “sired” or “created“, but rather is too evil to stay dead. He lived this long thanks to his cunning, and, of course, immortality, so when an angry mob with pitchforks and torches marches towards his home: Yulric doesn’t break a sweat. After all, everyt [...]


    17. Upon reading this book, I didn't dislike it, nor did I love it. It dwells in a realm of fun to read, but ultimately will be forgotten within a month. The reason for this lies within many reasons, many of which I feel I cannot properly articulate. The humor had its moments, moments in which the jokes matched with my own sense of humor. But more times than not, the humor was a hit and a miss. In addition, the thing that bothered me the most (and is pretty nitpick-y) was the repeated mention of how [...]


    18. 3 out of 5 starsI thought this book had a great premise, it was very satirically funny. The problem that I had was it jumped around too much and time would pass from one paragraph to another. It did not have a good flow and felt very jumpy.The characters were pretty good but not great could have done with more development. Loved the whole vampires don’t sparkle, they’re not that attractive and they definitely aren’t good vibe, but then again I liked vampires before Twilight. I appreciate t [...]


    19. Review also available on my blog The Shameful Narcissist Speaks.An Unattractive Vampire begins as a cleverly tongue-in-cheek novel with a similar silliness and satire to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, seamlessly steering your sympathies towards an unholy monster and its last remaining followers.  A subversion of a subversion, the story takes the new(ish) idea of the beautiful, more modern vampires and makes it absurd with the introduction of the Nosferatu-like Yulric Bile, who's been e [...]


    20. This was a really fun read! A 1,000 year old vampire wakes up from a 300 year long sleep and discovers that the beautiful, young vampires of the modern day are drastically different from the fearful creatures of the night they used to be. Its a fun, funny read that I would recommend to any reader.What you'll see on most review sites is people lavishly praising this book, but giving it 3-4 star ratings. In fact, I will say that I would have given this book 3 stars if I didn't love the main charac [...]


    21. Your usual vampire book - Is what I might put in my review if I read a different vampire book. Many Vampire books focus on a dark or mysterious theme. They dive into those themes so hard that it usually feels bland in its similarities.This is not one of those books. I often wondered if the intent of the scene I was reading was to be comedic or serious. By often, I mean to say almost every scene was like this.I'd like to think that this was the intent behind this style of writing. One reader, mig [...]


    22. SAVAGELY funny and wicked fun!!If you're tired of vampires that sparkle, who are good at heart, and who are ridiculously good looking, this book is for you. It mercilessly lampoons the modern vampire trend in books and television. (And though I admit it, I was at one point similar to Amanda in more ways than I would like to count with her rabid fan shipping, knee height goth hooker boots and a closet full of corsets only suitable for halloween and the ren fair, not to mention her lofty vampire g [...]


    23. Absolutely hilarious from start to finish for those of us with a darker, more offbeat sense of humor. Finally, we fight back against the glittering vampires of today with the hideous (hysterical) monsters of old! For fans of Christopher Moore AND Bram Stoker.


    24. the anti-Twilight you didn't know you needed until now. this hilarious novel takes every modern vampire trope and turns it on its head.



    25. Very funny. It took me kind of a long time to read it because the plot wasn’t really holding my attention, but overall a very fun read. Amazing cover, too.


    26. Randomly got this on Audible and really enjoyed it. Full of fun, quirky humor. Recommended for anyone who enjoys the supernatural/fantasy genre.


    27. Amateurish. Jokes that think they're quite funny; they ain't. Just calling something 'evil' doesn't make it so. Plot so thin it might as well be a novella. Boring. Even an interesting scene with the vampire protagonist in a hospital goes nowhere. Really, the book fails on so many accounts that I cannot be compelled to write a coherent review with complete sentences.I want to support authors, particularly new ones, but sometimes further drafts or critiques before publication would be beneficial. [...]


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